AT THE CAFE – explicit content

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Settings :

Where: A tiny coffee shop not far from my pad

When: Four hours ago ( 22:00 Bangkok time )

Characters:

Me : unable to get couple of things done at home so I headed to a cafe.

The waiter: a thirtish guy with badly dyed-blond hair who poked his wife as I get into the coffee shop.

His wife: A fat cat that seem to be as useless as a bad quote.

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Me- Sawadee ….. an Espresso please !

Waiter- Something that should mean I don’t understand

Me- Cafe / Italia / Roma / Milano / Cafe / Cafe

Waiter- Ahh Ok  Ok Ok 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

His Wife- Hahahahahah laughing like an ugly geisha.

Waiter- Where you come from ?

Me- Heiiiiiin ?

Waiter- What’s your name ?

Me- Aw yeah ! My name’s Gulliver and I’m from Brodbingnag

Waiter- Nice to meet you

Me- Are you sure ( I whispered ) faking a smile

5 MINUTES LATER 

Me- Internet WI-FI password

Waiter- GOD + his phone number

Me- That’s a good name for a network !! What’s your name ?

Waiter- Game

Me- Smile, the coffee was good

Waiter- Lady? ( In other words: I can find you a sexy girl ) nudging his wife’s elbow

Me- Thank you, I’m married ( I lied ) showing him the ring I wear in my indecent finger.

Waiter- Ok Ok Ok … Thai lady you ? ( He wanted to know is my girl-friend Thai)

Me-  No. She’s from Wonderland and her name is Alice and she’s way better than the shit you have.

His wife- Hmmmmm and she said something in their language that must be too funny that he could neither hold back the laugh nor hide his filthy teeth.

(( Bored, Tired of his frequent questions, his bitch’s stares and pissed as I couldn’t start what I came for ))

ABOUT AN HOUR LATER

Me- Does this cunt play dominoes ?

Waiter- Heiiin ? ( He didn’t understand )

Me- I believe jerking off is way better than having such a company.

Waiter- English No No No

Me- Ok Ok Ok. If you have a dollar and you have to give it away. Will you give it to the hungry kid, the homeless man or to the woman in the wheelchair ?

Waiter- The midget is getting nervous as he started fast-talking.

His wife- went out for a cigarette.

Me- (Mumbling La dance de Zorba in a provoking croon as I was getting ready to pay and leave )…… You know if I were you I’d give half a dollar to the woman in the wheelchair, half a dollar to the hungry kid and gift your nasty wife to the homeless fella.

Waiter- Thank you …. Good night

Me- Good night ……. nudging him the way he poked his wife as I came in.

HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU

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Drunk and still thinking of you

Too lonely to go sin

But though dump, deaf and blind

I can see and hear you saying

I’ve spent your age ferreting

Please don’t …….. Go !!

Now as I spot you 

I remembered the prayers during the nights 

Naked… weak…. stoned

To the might, the all-knowing

To your God 

That I revenge …

That I stop you

I hated myself … I hate you

I hate The fact

That we became one

That I’m soothed… I live in you

Exhausted but willing to run

To race the cheetah and cheat

To even murder … to culprit

To wrongdo

Just to lay next to you

Now, here

And as I fake a smile

And as I’m hiding the tears

I wish these letters

When merged, squeezed, thrown and brewed

My lay way

Then lost and found in a mess

In a shy stack of hay

Could tell how much I love you

                                          ***Knitted, muffled and mailed to the Syreni of the North Atlantic.

A quick chat with a King

street-vendor-young-child

We all have that little ” Hasan, Luigi, Tom, Julien, Miguel, Hongqi …..etc” in our neighborhoods. I’m talking about that kid who occupies the corner you may stop by for a couple of seconds to tie your shoelaces during your daily outing. He would sit for hours trying all the marketing tips he’s learned over the time at ” the University of Seasons and Seasons on the ground ”  to sell you  chewing gums,a nail clipper, a keychain or just a pack of tissues that could give the vividest denotation of heat, cold, loneliness, war, peace and fear, that was and still the most willing accomplice when sinning and the most placating solace when bewailing. A pack of tissues that comprehends that none of the mentioned tips could make this long-awaited detachment from his “Roi ” as soon as begging would.

The king supplicated !!!!!

In a planet where a porn star has millions of fans on social media and tons of food are wasted rather than donated ……. A real king is likely to beg. Actually he’s good at it, he even considers it a life-skill which endures just like riding a bicycle or pitching a tent appropriately and as there was a need for a first time to gain this skill, I was wondering when was the King’s premiere and here was the answer.

I begged him once to have a bite

Of his sandwich

 I begged her mom so we hang out 

She was a bitch

I begged their sister for love the sacred 

I was mortified…. I developed hatred

He knew I was amazed by the way he speaks.

He knew I underestimated him.

He knew I thought he’s unlettered.. so he added.

I am the King and I’m lucky

The best poet is a friend

And he enlightened me

The victims of genius are clients

And they taught me

It’s by the painter and his beloved

I was worshiped 

And by the monk and his God 

I was venerated

It was a struggle, a hardship I should admit

A fight to which I was challenged

But with Neptune and Uranus 

I was blessed

As when a cop scolded

There was a hippie to cheer up

And when an ugly disgusted

There was a cute to joy me up

I didn’t say Adios as I went. The king is easy to find

I just winked, smiled, hand-slauted him and wished I could be a king for a while

 

WHY DO I LOVE My JOB ??????

I’m loath to admit that I’m sorry for you dad. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be the doctor or the judge you always pictured me. I won’t be able to send you the driver, to book you a suite. I myself go to hostels and will probably start couch surfing 🙂 . I’d say sorry to the girl who may one day decide to spend the rest of her life with me. I don’t think you’ll ever be in your own house, where you go water the flowers and plant a tree that you will repeatedly talk about to our grandchildren. Opposite, we’re likely to wake up with a pissed landlord knocking on the door cursing the day he rented out his/her property that won’t be large enough to run after you from a room to another……….. I’m just a teacher …. I know it’s hard for you to understand what’s really amazing in this position to make someone so proud that he wakes up everyday with a grin to meet’em sweet devils to teach them something to both give them a hard time and be driven bananas every once in awhile. Here’s what happened couple of minutes ago. I hope it will give a better explanation of why I would never plan to quit this job any soon.

I just got a message from a student that I’ve been teaching in the past. The guy got married and he recently had a baby that he called Khaled (my name). Here’s a humble translation of his message that would make the shittiest day of the unluckiest cabbie ever !!!!

Dear teacher,, I don’t know where you are now. You know I miss you so much and I love you like a big brother though you’re younger than me. I wished you could stay with us longer. Do you remember ********** telling you that we should find you a woman here so you marry her and live amidst us. Anyway I hope you are happy and successful. Last week I was so busy I couldn’t write to tell you that I became a father .. Yeaaaaah I have a son that I attached his photo to the mail. You know what ??? His name is Khaled. For couple of months I and my wife were debating on the name we would select. I’m not sure if I will be a good father but I wish he will be a great man like you. 

Teacher I love you soooo much 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 

***** In the part of the world where I am actually they would call a man who cries a naive. I’m happy and proud of being that idiot

— I once have wished —

I once have wished 

There was a planet 

where I plus you equals you

 

I once have wished 

That at night as in the morning 

the sun shone

So I can surf those wrinkles 

Slide along your lips 

Drift, bounce, fall and shift 

And proudly announce

I located beauty 

I once have wished 

I could chaperone you

So I voetsak

Out of the land of Right

And shoo the guilt away

 

I once have wished 

Death was a party 

And Azrael was a welcomed advena

So I recommend his comradeship 

So I smile as we parted

Will you call it ……. ? I won’t !!

 ingerOnShore_3

And now I wonder

How could I make it 

All those years without you

Will you call it a triumph

I won’t !!

Wasn’t it witless to waive a reality

To a  mirage

To forgo a villa to a gunyah

Will you call it a smart deal

I won’t !!

She said ………….

Why do we have to be

Knee-deep, Chest-deep then neck-deep in mud

To sink, to drown, to die reaching the shore

Will you call it a choice 

I won’t !!

The lil girl with million wonders

Once again, I had to take this cursed train, that I’ve been told was sold to an African company but as they couldn’t come and take it due to an unrest in their jungles. This monster is likely to fade away in our land. It’s been almost half a century of endless hiking across all those terrains that nature variously shaped leaving a masterpiece here and a failure a dozen of miles further…… The train doesn’t care, it keeps trudging along his never-satisfied masochist rails.

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For a decade I’d sit between wagons, on the ground among less fortunate people so I can smoke and chat; crack jokes and enjoy the company of the best storytellers ever the vagrants. This time I unoccasionally decided to have a seat in the so-called first class cabin where I thought I could take a nap midst boring “suits and ties”.

“Bushra !!!!!!!!! her mom shouting her name so she stops bothering this old man and goes back to her seat which, resulted in a crowd staying up late unable to rest.

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A five-year-old kiddie dressed in a fancy lace-back pink onesie that tells how lovely is her room and how successful are her parents. A girl that a man sitting next to me called ” a good example for early childhood bitching”. He was so pissed, he  couldn’t sleep because of her ceaseless tough questions that her mother couldn’t answer most of the time but what I really found interesting is the way she asked her mom and how she looked at the her while she wrestles with this merger of both these uneasy combinations of simple letters and the soliciting intonation of an old knowledge seeker. Here are some of her queries, just what I could hear and jot down:                                                                                                                                 “B”: Bushra/ “M”: her mom

“B”: Mother, last week the sun was on the right side and now even we changed the direction and the seat it remains motionless. Why is that ?                                      “M”: The sun loves you sweetie it is watching over you.                                                  “B”: That’s good

“B”: Mom, is this sugar or salt ?                                                                                           “M”: Sugar hun.                                                                                                                       “B”: Can I eat some ??                                                                                                           “M”: Sure if you want                                                                                                             “B”: Not now.

“B”: How’s daddy?                                                                                                                 “M”: He’s fine                                                                                                                        “B”: How did you know that ? Is he right here with us now ?                                      “M”: No, but he called me an hour ago.                                                                               “B”: I don’t know

“B”: Dear mom, ( It seems like she noticed her mom is getting mad) is the train moving?                                                                                                                              “M”: Not yet sweetie.

“B”: Mom, do you love me ? (( this is the question I was waiting for ))                           “M”: Of course I do darling                                                                                                   “B”: More even than you love dad ??                                                                            “M”: Shhhhhhht ( + a bashful smile)

“B”: Who’s this guy?                                                                                                             “M”: The ticket controller                                                                                                   “B”: Is he rich or poor ?                                                                                                    “M”: I don’t know baby.                                                                                                 “B”: You are older than me but you know nothing mom. 

“B”: Which is better: to be a girl or a boy?                                                                         “M”: To be a girl sweetheart                                                                                                 “B”: Is that because you’re a woman ?                                                                               “M”: Maybe ( hehehehe)                                                                                                         “B”: Can’t we be both at the same time ?                                                                           “G” ( The guy sitting next to me aloud): It’s possible these days !!!!!

Everyone laughed at the answer, the girl didn’t understand anything, her mom kissed her and I went out for a cigarette thinking about the boy/girl thing. 

I’m coming

sufi

Because I saw you

In my dreams smiling

At the end of the road 

With the trees at the shoulders 

I’m coming

Because I know you

Know we will both

Be old and ugly

Those who loved who we were 

Yesterday will

Scarcely sympathize with

The poor creatures we 

Are tomorrow 

Thus I’m coming 

I hated my tent and I’m

Too weak

To build on my own

The shanty 

Being a lonely wolf used to give

Delight and cruising

Solely is no longer engaging

So I’m coming

Be there be you

the Valkyrie

Who loved my stories

And the Sufi me  

As I’m coming

 

A very low-key interpretation of happiness – Part 1

 ” Darling !!! Life isn’t an American movie with a jubilant end…….. Being happy is not what I’m looking for……. Happiness is not for me…” 

This is a part of what one of my ex’s said the day we parted. Though, that was long time ago -back when daddy was my sole superhero and living on my own was at the top of my wishlist- my hippocampus did a good job engraving these words on my memory. I spent a couple of days questioning what’s wrong with me or maybe with her but being busy  made the movement to the next chapter of my life fast and smooth. Now, if there was a jerk to recall it would be the query that always popped up.

AM I HAPPY WITH MY LIFE ?!?!?

imageThis was and still the question that millions of people struggle with. It’s one of those interrogations where Yes/No is not enough. A further explanation and an inductive reasoning are often required especially if the answer tends to be a nod that we all desire. A yes, that probably will never sound as good as you want it and might not shine as bright as you conjectured for an unfussy reason : ” scepticism”.

Seconds before this (yes) is spoken, our body and soul cooperate desperately, saving no energy to convince the mind about how confident they are and how positive it should be disclosed. During these fractions of seconds, the brain activates the neural braking network giving us a chance to double-check the accuracy of our decision thus, to enounce or not.

To cut a long story short, due to the stress, the huge number of scenes to flashback and the deficiency of the given time. We end up attaching a second question : 

Do I fathom out what true happiness is ?!?!?

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Out of a look at the dictionary, I could spot a contrast between the terms (happiness) and (satisfaction) , that seem to be identical at first sight. When satisfaction is defined as “the pleasure derived from the fulfilment of one’s wishes, expectations or needs”. In other word, it is the intersection of what we need/wish/expect and the time and place of its occurrence.

However Happiness is explained shortly as follows “the state of being happy”. Therefore, there is no real limitation of this emotion.

Here’s a simple questionnaire which, I’ve prepared a month ago to collect information from 10 people (P1, P2, ……..P10) who range from close friends to strangers, white-collar to blue-collar employees, locals to foreigners, teenagers to adults and from illiterate to “intellos”. They were given 25 stars to be distributed over the 5 columns of the table. Each column represents one of the most popular source of happiness (knowledge, money, health, love and power). The participants have the right to put up to 5 stars in each column and below are their answers to ” what do you need to have a happy life ?” 

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Some of you might have strongly agreed with one of the Ps’ answers, quarreled with another’s and wondered how would one of these people’s life look like. I personally have found many friends and relatives in this list and though none of these descriptions can be mine, I still have lots of things in common with most of the respondents. From the standpoint of a peaceful “hippie” I’d say that It feels good knowing that everyone is aware of the importance and necessity of love and knowledge. 

I believe these recipes will continually lead to a satisfactory life but they will never route to a happy one. None of the respondents have left a field vacant. It’s great to seek the best of everything, ambition is a great quality. However, it’s greater to admit that having all is not possible this is why surviving under the hardship ( absence of a part or more) is a higher standard.

                  A HAPPY LIFE IS NOTHING BUT BULLSHIT 

Just like freedom/ democracy, religion/ ethics, personality/ life-experience …etc what links happiness to satisfaction is a relationship between the parts and the whole, where the latter exists if and only if, all parts are gathered which is possible to come true for a jiffy but not to remain for a lifespan. 

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Here are 3 out the 4 possible figures that can chronicle one’s life. Below is the map key to understand what these lines signify. 

(AB): life, the period of time we spent on earth from the cradle (A) to the grave (B)

(C): the wishes, dreams, desires, needs, obligations, expectations…..etc

(D): the fulfilment or achievement of (C)

(H): Happiness: the meeting point of (C) and (D)

A bulk of blank pages can’t be called a book, so is life. Having millions of empty canvas doesn’t make neither the salesman nor the painter an artist. It’s about how good are you at dealing with the black (downs) so your portrait doesn’t dark ( sad).