Where: A tiny coffee shop not far from my pad
When: Four hours ago ( 22:00 Bangkok time )
Me : unable to get couple of things done at home so I headed to a cafe.
The waiter: a thirtish guy with badly dyed-blond hair who poked his wife as I get into the coffee shop.
His wife: A fat cat that seem to be as useless as a bad quote.
Me- Sawadee ….. an Espresso please !
Waiter- Something that should mean I don’t understand
Me- Cafe / Italia / Roma / Milano / Cafe / Cafe
Waiter- Ahh Ok Ok Ok 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
His Wife- Hahahahahah laughing like an ugly geisha.
Waiter- Where you come from ?
Me- Heiiiiiin ?
Waiter- What’s your name ?
Me- Aw yeah ! My name’s Gulliver and I’m from Brodbingnag
Waiter- Nice to meet you
Me- Are you sure ( I whispered ) faking a smile
5 MINUTES LATER
Me- Internet WI-FI password
Waiter- GOD + his phone number
Me- That’s a good name for a network !! What’s your name ?
Me- Smile, the coffee was good
Waiter- Lady? ( In other words: I can find you a sexy girl ) nudging his wife’s elbow
Me- Thank you, I’m married ( I lied ) showing him the ring I wear in my indecent finger.
Waiter- Ok Ok Ok … Thai lady you ? ( He wanted to know is my girl-friend Thai)
Me- No. She’s from Wonderland and her name is Alice and she’s way better than the shit you have.
His wife- Hmmmmm and she said something in their language that must be too funny that he could neither hold back the laugh nor hide his filthy teeth.
(( Bored, Tired of his frequent questions, his bitch’s stares and pissed as I couldn’t start what I came for ))
ABOUT AN HOUR LATER
Me- Does this cunt play dominoes ?
Waiter- Heiiin ? ( He didn’t understand )
Me- I believe jerking off is way better than having such a company.
Waiter- English No No No
Me- Ok Ok Ok. If you have a dollar and you have to give it away. Will you give it to the hungry kid, the homeless man or to the woman in the wheelchair ?
Waiter- The midget is getting nervous as he started fast-talking.
His wife- went out for a cigarette.
Me- (Mumbling La dance de Zorba in a provoking croon as I was getting ready to pay and leave )…… You know if I were you I’d give half a dollar to the woman in the wheelchair, half a dollar to the hungry kid and gift your nasty wife to the homeless fella.
Waiter- Thank you …. Good night
Me- Good night ……. nudging him the way he poked his wife as I came in.